The Quest For Lost Pizza
Slowly Gileas stepped inside to the Great Thronehall of the royal castle.
Jonat and Baldin followed him, looking nervous. They were all big strong
knights, but still they shivered while walking in. Gileas would have
rather been outside in the walls, fighting the invaders who were close
from breaking in. The defenses were collapsing, men fleed from the
parapets, and still the best knight of the realm was ordered to report to
the king. "Maybe he needs us as his bodyguards", said Jonat but he didn`t
sound convinced even himself. "I do not like this a bit", answered Gileas,
biting his lower lip. "He has some mad suicide mission for us, I know it
in my bones". Other two nodded and they walked forward. In the otherside
of the hall they could see royal servants and a few bodyguards, all
walking up and front nervously. They were all gathered around a large bed,
and from the bed someone was shouting orders at them, which the people
were busy obeying. Gileas walked closer, and his eyes locked into the
figure in the bed. He heard how Jonat gulped. "Holy mouly", said Baldin
aloud. "He is even fatter than before". In the bed lied king Egendil of
Perennia. His huge body had some considerable trouble to fit inside the
big bed. It was the biggest bed Gileas had ever seen. It was the biggest
king Gileas had ever seen, and he had seen many. "What has happened to
him" said Gileas, amazed. "Too many pizzas, they say".
"How", managed Gileas to say. "Did", added Jonat, not believing his eyes.
"He", offered Gileas. "Ever managed to become a king", finished Jonat.
Both looked at Baldin who always knew all the nasty rumours. "Well",
Baldin started, " he is of the royal blood, you know. His grandfathers
grandfather was the second cousin of some dude who married a girl who was
unlawfull daughter of some nobleman whose mother had once been married to
a prince for a month untill they divorced when he found out that he was a
transvertite. Of course Egendil was only number 4578 in the royal
succession, but all those in front of him died mysteriously. Then he
made himself a king". "Öh", said
Gileas, not knowing what else to say. "Of course he was not so fat when he
made himself the king. That has all happened to him afterwards". "Thank
god I didn`t make myself a king", breathed Jonat.
Three knights approached the huge bed and the mass inside it. "You ordered
us to arrive, your majesty", said Gileas with as much respect in his voice
as he could gather. "Yes, I have a mission for you", said a loud bass
voicefrom somewhere inside the body. "Oh dear", Gileas heard Jonat to say.
"We are at your command", answered Gileas. God help us, we are, he added
in his mind. "You will go with your men and bring me PIZZA AND BRING IT
NOW", bellowed king Egendil. "Pizza?" managed Gileas to answer. He looked
at his companions. Jonat was rolling his eyes ridicilously and Baldin was
shaking his head, looking amused. "Yes, PIZZA. NOW". The king seemed
unable to say the word pizza without shouting it with religious fever.
"Begging your pardon you fat slim..uuh, king", said Gileas barely
concealing his annoyement. "The enemy is forcing the parapets. We are
loosing the walls. Whole kingdom is collapsing. Your rule is closing to
it`s end. Whole world is turning upside down. And you are asking me, the
only man who could save it all, to fetch a pizaa??". "YES", bellowed loud
and now suddenly famished voice. "Didn`t they used to deliver", said
Gileas to no one particular. "Yes, they used to", whispered Jonat. "But
then you know who became the king. He forbid all delivering or selling
pizzas to anyone else but himself. All pizzerias are closed, except the
royal one". Gileas looked at king Egendil. "You do not mean? Do you?".
Jonat nodded. "That thing has been eating all the pizzas in the realm for
years. They are all INSIDE him, all the pizzas". Gileas looked at the huge
deformed body. He could easily believe it.
"Surely you have your own delivery boys, your...uuh, majesty", managed
Gileas finally to say. A nervous bodyguard poked Gileas between his ribs
and hissed, "they hae all vanished today, fetching pizza". "You mean that
thing hasn`t been eating any pizza today", gasped Jonat and paled. "That
is exactly what I mean", answered the guard. "He is soon in the condition
to eat anything that walks or rolls". Now Gileas too paled. "Maybe we
should throw him at the enemy from the wall, I heard the tar has run out",
he suggested but knew immediately that they couldn`t lift him. Gileas
looked deep into the eyes of king Egendil. THere was still a dim light of
reason in there. "Pizzzzzzaaaaah", the bulk whispered. Gileas felt small
shivers going through his back. Then he realised it was Jonat, pulling him
towards the doors. "Let`s go, that thing looks hungry". But Gileas was not
ready to give up yet. "Majesty, I could save the world alone. I could kill
all the invaders. I could chop their heads off and bring them to you in a
plate. I could cut them in twain. There is nothing I can`t do". "Then you
are the right man for thi mission. Bring me THE PIZZAAAH", shouted king
Egendil. Silently Gileas turned around and walked out from the thronehall.
Gileas closed the huge doors behind him. He was ready to kill anyone who
would say another word. Suddenly the doors opened and a guard peeped
outside. A big coke too, if you please". he said and closed the doors
just a second before Gileas grapped a huge battleaxe from Baldin and throw
it.
"This is ridicilous", said Gileas. They were now closing the yard of the
castle. The sounds of battle could still be heard from the walls. JOnat
was carefully investigating the royal yard through a small window. "We are
inside a castle which is under attack. the delivery boys have probably
just run off and now we must do their job. Anyone of the guards could have
done this". "Everything looks calm", said Jonat. "We can go. The pizzeria
is just accross the yard, some hundred meter from here". Gileas nodded and
stepped out into the yard. He was immediately almost knocked down by two
warriors who ran off followed by six big invaders. In a second the fire of
battle took over and Gileas rushed after them. Invaders turned around to
face his attack, but Gileas charged with fierce eyes. He hacked two down
and cut third in twain in a seconds. This was it, this was what he was
for. Two scared warriors shouted in joy and run in to help him. And
suddenly Gileas felt a hand in his shoulder. "Gileas, you are forgotting
something. "Am I?", he said to Jonat. "You remember, the pizza, the
coke..angry and hungry you know who". "Oh, HE". Faintly Gileas started to
remember. "I do not think these gentlemen want me to go", he said with a
hopefull voice. "Do not mind us, sire", said the closest of the invaders,
the one who had been some seconds away from being cut in twain. "If you
have some more pressing engagements somewhere else, we by no means wish to
keep you". Invader smiled charmingly. Gileas nodded and looked defeated.
He followed Jonat and Baldin away from the enemy. They had walked some
meters when a sudden noise made Gileas to turn around. Surviving invaders
were cutting in twain the rather unhappy looking warriors of king Egendil.
"Oh well, maybe I can cut the pizza in twain", said Gileas and followed
others.
Now they were near the door to Royal Pizzeria. How ever they had
surprising difficulties reaching the door because there was a pile of
bodies blocking their way. About 20 delivery boys lied there, all dead
except one who was dying. "MOnster", he managed to say and died. "Great",
commented Jonat. "We do not only have an invading army about to break in,
and a hungry king about to break out, but also a monster. Who needs
this?". "It could be nice to meet the monster", said Gileas with a dark
voice. "Maybe we could lock it inside the throneroom to keep company to
the king", said Jonat hopefully. "Naah, Egendil would eat the poor thing".
After some minutes of hard work they managed to move the bodies and
entered the pizzeria. "King Egendil needs his special pizza", said Gileas
with a tired voice. Without a word one pizzaman snapped his fingers, and
four men carried in a huge pizza. Gileas couldn`t believe his eyes. Now he
knew why Egendil needed three men for this job. "That is not a pizza", he
managed to say. "That is more like a flying saucer". "A what?".
"Nevermind". Cursing a lot three knights managed tolift the pizza. They
were already sweating heavily. "Join the knights and ride to battle, with
ordinary soldiers doing all the hard work, that is what the recruiting
officer told me..har har". Gileas held the front and Jonat the aft. Baldin
went under it to support the pizza with his back. Somehow thye managed to
reach the yard. But in a second Gileas saw something coming from behind
the corner. A monster, he thought but then saw that it was only a black
cat. They bravely continued forward, towards the keep. But soon Gileas
noticed that the cat was following. And it had a nasty look in it`s eyes.
Same kind of look as king Egendil had. Hungry and desperate look. "I think
it want`s a bit of this pizza". said Gileas nervously. "I could use one
too", answered Jonat. "If we all and the cat take a bite this thing wont
weight so much anymore". Gileas shook his head. "That fat bast..king would
notice andwe probably would have to fecth him another pizza. Baldin, drive
the cat away". There was a loud noice under the pizza, and a few minutes
passed. Then finally Baldin appeared. "I got lost", he explained with an
extremely agitated voice. He looked around and saw the cat. "Damn, I was
hoping it would be the monster". With a shudder he walked towards the cat.
"Shoosh", he shouted and kicked. The cat hissed and used it`s claws.
"Ooow", said Baldin with a disbelief in his voice. "The bugger cut
through my boot and hurted my toe".
Baldin tried to kick again, but the cat cut him. "OOoow". "Get rid of it",
said Gileas with a bored voice. Baldin draw his sword, but hesitated.
There was a really nasty look in the cat`s eyes. Baldin lifted his
sword...and the cat attacked. It jumped at him, hissing. Gileas couldn`t
believe his eyes. for a few seconds he could not see what was happening.
There was a cat, there was a man, there were furs everywhere, there were
pices of clothes everywhere. And then it was over. "It cut him in twain",
gasped Jonat. "It did?", said Gileas. "Wait a minute, I am supposed to be
the one around here who does that". He draw his sword. The pizza
immediately started to loose it`s balance. Gileas quickly put his sword
away. "It is coming towards us", shouted JOnat. Yes, the cat was closing,
with slow stealthy steps. Baldin was dead. "We have to save the pizza",
shouted Gileas and they started to run, carrying the pizza with them. The
cat screamed and gave chase. "I hope no one sees us now", shouted Gileas,
running away from a small cat. They were going to make it, they were going
to make it, they were definitely going to make it.."Graaah", shouted
Jonat. Gileas turned and saw that the cat was biting young knights leg. He
dropped the pizza and run to help his friend. "I can`t carry it alone", he
shouted. "Leave him alone, you..you..uuh, CAT". It didn`t sound so fine,
he realised immediately. The cat was now pulling Jonat, and poor man`s leg
was vanishing into it`s huge mouth. With one leg the cat was pulling the
pizza, which also started to move towards it`s mouth. Gileas grapped the
pizza, and it stopped moving. He held to it with both hands, resisting the
strong pull of the cat, and with his legs he kicked. It became more angry.
Jonat was stabbing it with his knife, but without any effect. Suddenly one
leg grapped Gileas, and started to pull. "How many leg`s does it have", he
shouted. There were furry legs everywhere. One grapped Jonat`s hand and
pulled the knife away. There were now two legs grapping the pizza, pulling
it, and two more were around Jonat`s leg. With all his strenght Gileas
pulled himself free. "Here goes the pizza", he shouted and with superhuman
effort lifted the pizza up, and throw it at the cat. There was silence.
"It must have died under the weight", said Gileas, helping Jonat up.
Suddenly they heard a strange noice. The cat appeared from under the
pizza, but paid no notice to them. It opened it`s big mouth, and it grow
bigger, and bigger. And the cat started to feed. The pizza was vanishing
into it`s mouth with considerable speed. "Let`s go", said Gileas. I have
had enough of these dangerous assignments. I heard there is a more
peacefull job at the mountains, as a dragon hunter". Jonat nodded. "As
long as there is no cat`s in there. What harm could a nice little drago
do".